What happens when you combine two days of alcohol, an argument about penis size, a deadly weapon, and Russia? Disturbing things happen. Things that should never happen to anyone.
According to the report, two friends were nearing the end of a two-day drinking binge when they started arguing about who had the bigger penis. At some point during the argument, the men pulled down their pants and measured their little soldiers.
The man who lost the competition was so embarrassed/angry/drunk/Russian that he grabbed an axe and chopped off his friend’s penis after hitting him in the head with the weapon.
Apparently, the two dudes had been best friends since childhood. We imagine that has changed now. Doctors say it’s not possible to reattach the penis.
The sore loser has been charged with inflicting a “grave injury” on his friend and might face up to eight years in prison, which doesn’t seem like enough time. Cutting off someone’s penis with an axe should get you at least 15-20 years.
Or they have the option to skip prison if they’ll allow doctors to remove their penis, attach it to the victim, and then let the victim literally f—k the attacker with his own penis.