A horrific sex crime went down last week in Dayton, Ohio, and thousands of vans across the country are now on high alert.
35-year-old Michael Henson first got the attention of his fellow Ohioans by stripping down to his birthday suit and swinging on a stop sign. And instead of following the sign’s orders, Henson walked over to the front of a red van and had sex with the grille.
Witnesses told police that they saw Henson sticking his penis inside the grille of the van, and then he started thrusting inside without even offering the van a glob of lube.
After a few minutes of the thrusting, Henson did what most males do after having sex, he laid down on the ground and went to sleep. But since this dude was under the influence of some serious sh-t, he popped right back up and started walking around in circles.
When officers finally found him, he was only wearing gym shorts and shoes. According to the report, he appeared to be “under the influence of some type of narcotic.”
He was arrested for public indecency and booked into the Montgomery County jail. The officers also tracked down the owner of the violated van, but he didn’t even know about the incident.
Hopefully this teaches all these slutty vans a lesson. You need to park yo’ fine asses in the garage. Stop asking for trouble by parking on the side of the street.